I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
