im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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