So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
