She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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