I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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