it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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