I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
