Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
