Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
