He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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