wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
