Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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