Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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