please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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