Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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