you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
