Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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