Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
