I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
