I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
