Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
