I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
