Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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