The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
