highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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