I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
