Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
