I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
