What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
