he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
