I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
