I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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