You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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