conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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