I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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