Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
