i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
