SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
accomplished twins. life is a go
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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