Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
