were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
