is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I AM VODKA MAN
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
