I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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