remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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