i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
