i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
