I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
