Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think your dad took our porno
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
