I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
