I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
