worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
