She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
