Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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