I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
