So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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