Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
