I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
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