Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So much rum. So many feels.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
