i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
