Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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