I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
