I think my vagina is haunted
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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