Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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