If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
